Limoncello

                  Wash the Lemons and Bottles                 Mans

So, you have made your marmalade, but your lemons are still ‘hanging’, weighing ‘that naughty branch’ down so much that you knock your noggin every time you walk past. Surely, it’s time to lighten its load and make limoncello. The first mission is to get 90% alcohol proof from you local pharmacy. My local pharmacist broke into a huge smile when I told him I was making Limoncello and proudly told me he makes his own kosher wine. Clearly I have found the right supplier. Like many things to do with food and beverages, the longer you wait the better it turns out, so start your limoncello process now (july), so not only will you be able to walk underneath ‘that branch’ without causing damage to your pip, but by the time Christmas comes, you’ll have cool prezzies to give your adult friends.

Thin strips of peel          Mans

Wot you need

Sugar

Water

A 4l jar with a tight seal

Muslim cloth and a sieve

750ml vodka

750ml 90% proof alcohol (ignore your pharmacist when he says, ‘don’t drink it’)

About 18 lemons

750ml water

4 cups of sugar

Enough charming and funky bottles for the finished product

Wot to Do

Choose lemons with good skins and give them a wash. Peel them into long strips with as little pith a possible, pop them into your airtight jar with both alcohols and store in a cool dark place. Every couple of weeks give it stir. After a few months try ‘the peel snap test’. If the peel snaps them you can move onto making your syrup. Add the water and sugar and boil for about 5 mins and cool. while the syrup is cooling remove the peels from the alcohol and filter the alcohol through a wet cloth (muslim). Add the cooled syrup to the alcohol and pour it back into the airtight jar and store for another couple of months. Finally, pour into sterilised bottles.

When you pull out a bottle of homemade linocello after dinner, and everybody tells you how cleaver you are to have made it, it’s jolly hard not to feel rather pleased with yourself. 

                            Limoncello an after dinner winner                              Mans

My Wicked Step Mothers Lime Marmalade

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Mans

Roundabout now, when your limes are liming, your oranges are oranging, and your lemons are lemoning, it’s MARAMALADE TIME. This is how my ‘Wicked Step Mother’ taught me to do it. You can use any citrus fruit, just remember to get rid of any pips.   Oh! She is not really so wicked.

               Ailsa, My Wicked Step Mother                        Mans

Wot you need

Limes

Sugar

Water

Oil (neutral flavour. eg sunflower oil)

Jars 

How to do it

Wash your limes, then chop them to the size and texture you want, you can use a food processor. Just cover the chopped fruit with water, (you can leave it overnight, some say it releases more pectin). Gently simmer the mixture. While it is slowly bubbling away, pour an equal amount of sugar as the simmering fruit mix into a baking tray and pop it into a 100°c oven, so the sugar can heat through (this sneaky trick will keep your marmalade clear). When you can easily squish the fruit rinds between your fingers, you can take the mixture off the heat. Now add the warm sugar to the mixture and stir until dissolved. This is a good time to sterilise the jars by popping them into the oven, which is still on. Once the sugar has all dissolved return the pot to the heat and simmer, stirring occasionally. Don’t worry to skim the scum, coz you can deal with it later, but do worry about putting a plate in the freezer, for the ‘coldplatewrinkeltest’. After about 12 mins of gentle bubbling you can try it, you may have to repeat the test a few times. You do this by dropping a blob the marmalade onto the cold plate, leave it for a minute or two, then push it with your finger, if your marmalade wrinkles, it will set. This means it’s time to take it off the heat, and now deal with the scum. When the mixture stops bubbling, pour a splash of any cooking oil into the pot and stir until the scum miraculously disappears. Finally, using a ladle or small jug pour the marmalade into the warm jars. The most challenging part is to see if you can wait long enough for it to cool, before you chomp it on hot buttered toast.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Mans

Stinging Nettle and Ricotta Ravioli

Gathering Edibles in District Six

Glueing the little fellows 

Ready for the pot

I was sitting in our office, all grumpy coz my ‘Braai Buddy, Dave and I didn’t make the final fifteen in ‘The Ultimate BraaiMatser’, when Mans said, “come, let’s shoot something”. I heaved a heavy sigh and reluctantly agreed. Stef, my chef mate, from just down the road and I had made stinging nettle ravioli, from the nettles in his garden about a week before. I rang Stef to tell him we were going to clean up his garden, but he told me his gardener had got there first. It seemed it wasn’t to be my day. Mans, with camera in hand was all amped, so I dragged my sorry arse off to his car and off we headed in search of some local stinging nettles. Mans suggested we start off foraging underneath a beautiful mural nearby, coz it was ‘photogenic’. When we got there, my day started to take a turn for the better, not only were there heaps of nettles but other edibles too. In this small patch, we found Nettles, Mint, Fennel, Cape Sorrel, and Purslane. With a glimmer of a smile, I covered my hand with a plastic bag to avoid the ‘dreaded ichies’ and plucked enough for our lunch. With the some fresh pasta dough left over from the night before I made ‘Urban Hunter Gatherer Stinging Nettle and Ricotta Ravioli’ served with a simple garlic, lemon zest, olive oil and oregano gremolata. Once again my smile was so big, that if I didn’t have ears my whole head would be an island.

Enjoy the fragrant taste and tingling mouth.

Yummy

STINGING NETTLE AND RICOTTA FILLING

Equal parts ricotta and wilted stinging nettles (about ½ a cup of each)

A sprinkle of oregano or marjoram

A nubbin of butter

A grating of nutmeg

A few generous pinches of parmigiano reggiano

Salt and pepper to taste.

Ghazala's Proper Chicken Kebabs

My Favourite, Chicken Tikka with Roti                                                                                                                                   Mans

Our offices are in Walmer Estate, just one block away from the best fast food joint around, so on a regular basis my business partner, Mans (also “The Urban Hunter Gatherer’s” food photographer) and I enjoy, what Ghazala’s Food and Café has to offer. We are typical boring middle-aged men, who always end up ordering the same old thing. The Chicken Tikka Kebabs are ridiculously delicious. I like mine with the very green dhania sauce.

Fresh from Pakistan, Tanvee secured a piece of pavement outside a dilapidated corner café. He set up an authentic charcoal griller and started a neighbourhood fast food stand; making grilled chicken pieces, chicken kebabs and 'boerie rolls'. Now, a few years down the track Tanvee has taken over the corner café and has given it a facelift, but kept its authenticity and called it Ghazala’s Food and Cafe. The café stocks basic household stuff, but it is the take away food that makes this spot very special.

Getting my Laughing Gear around my Favourite         Mans

On Fridays and Sunday Ghazala’s sell well over seven hundred portions of mouth watering bryani, for which customers are happy to drive form Durbanville to get their quota. Of course they also serve the Cape Town classic, a Gatsby. It’s even  worth a visit just for the fried chips.

So if you work in town, it’s only a few minutes drive to a fantastic 'pavement' or ‘take back to the office’ lunch, and if you are in the hood on a sunday, don’t forget about the bryani. Hell man, even if you live in Baufort West, it’s worth 'the bryani drive', to Ghazala's Food and Cafe on the corner of Park Road and Coronation Road in Walmer Estate. Just be prepared to stand in a queue, or you can pre order on 021-4485270.

Tanvee, a Scholar and a Gentleman                                                                                                                                         Mans

Damn Fine Granola

A good granola is a dam fine thing indeed, I’m not talking about those cheap brand name packets you buy at the supermarket, I’m talking about the ones you buy at your local deli, the ones that are loaded with nutty fabulousness, the ones you have to take out a second bond on your house to afford a packet. Those are the damn fine granolas.

The problem is that I get all grumpy, when I have to part with my hard earned bucks to buy a pricey packet, so I thought I would try to make my own. I first followed one of Nigella Lawsons’ recipes. It was indeed, dam fine, it also made me realise, why the delis charge so much, coz the ingredients are so flippin expensive. So I made it my mission to make a dam fine granola that doesn’t bust the bank.

I included desecrated coconut as a cheap and tasty filler and some chopped citrus peel for an inexpensive fruity zing. I think it’s the zest that makes this granola special. Lemon, lime or orange will do the trick.

Lets face it, seeds and nuts are a huge part that defines a damn fine granola, but they are also outrageously costly. There are suppliers, like at my local flee market, wholesalers or specialist outlets that come in at a lot less than you average supermarket. It doesn’t matter if they are a bit stale, coz you gonna give them a good old fashioned roasting anyhow, which brings the crunch right back.

I have come to realise, if you want a damn fine granola, you are probably going to reach a little further into your pocket than you would like to. Cheap and damn fine granola, don’t easily fit into the same sentence. Hey, it’ll still be a lot cheaper than those deli ones.

The ingredient that adds the ZING

RICIPE

Ingredients.

4 ½ cups oats

¾ cup sunflower seeds

¾ cup pumpkin seeds

¼ cup sesame seeds

½ cup desecrated coconut

1 tsp ground ginger

2 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp salt

1½ cups almonds

2 tbls sunflower oil

¼ cup honey (heat the honey)

½ cup syrup (*you can make your own syrup)

Damn Fine Granola

½ cup light brown sugar

1 or 2 finely chopped peel of citrus fruit (orange/lemon/lime)

Method

Mix all the ingredients in a large bowl. Bake at 150 degrees c for 40 minutes, turning half way.

* 1 part water: 1 part sugar. For flavour add vanilla/citrus peel/fruit or whatever may tickle your fancy. Heat the mixture until the sugar dissolves. Then reduce til infused with your added flavour and syrupy.

All That Fancy Kitchen Clutter

My funky coffee grinder

I’m not really into all these fancy kitchen gadgets that are popular today. In true ‘hunter gatherer’ style, I try to stick to the kitchen basics. In a way I am forced to, coz I’ve got a really small kitchen without a single cupboard, so clutter is an issue, I mean, why have a special avo scooper when a spoon will do the trick. The other day, I saw on the telly, one of those celebrity chefs making gnocchi, he had the little ribbed paddle to groove the gnocchi to create more surface area for the sauce to cling to. I thought to myself ‘that’s cool’, I can be rather cunning and get an off-cut of decking plank at the local hardware store and that would do the trick. When I proudly showed my ingenious gadget, to my mate The E-man, he politely nodded and told me his ‘Mamma’ used a fork. I felt like a right idiot. 

All I’m saying is that with a bit of common sense, creativity, time and some elbow grease, you can achieve a tremendous amount in a basic kitchen. In a professional kitchen, I guess a few machines that zizz and go ping are really useful, but I don’t really know much about professional cooking.

I take great pleasure scrounging cooking stuff from alternative spots. All my pots and pans are ‘hand me downs’ or have been bought at second hand catering shops, but my favourite place to buy kitchen stuff is my local weekend flea market, which is now known by my friends as ‘Charlie’s Shopping Centre’, in fact, most of my kitchen comes from there.  It’s cheap, you are reusing stuff and you can find some funky practical goodies (check out my coffee grinder). Don’t get me wrong, if ‘le Cruest’ sponsored me some kit, I’d have such a huge smile that if I didn’t have ears my whole head would be an island. 

I think there are a few things that even a basic kitchen should have. A good knife and heavy and textured mortar and pestle are two of my best friends in the kitchen. Every now and then I even use my immersion blender, more affectionately known as the ‘kitchen dildo’. Your best friends may be very different, who knows, your most trusty mates could even be an avo scooper, a gnocchi paddle or even a chocolate tea cosy. We are all different and what you serve up on the plate reflects your personality, even the plate.

The Anti Clutter Wheel. Note the funky old school potato masher. A top find.

The Great Worm Race

Anna, Charlie & the prize.

After nearly a year, a date has finally been set for a one on one, 3.8km uphill running race to the Blockhouse. The competitors are the fiercely competitive Anna Versfeld and the equally determined, and slightly (but only very slightly), afraid Charles Standing, aka, me.

You might well ask why such a silly race should be in a food blog? Well, like many things in life, the race has lots of links to food, the least glamorous and most juvenile being that the looser has to chow ‘the worms.’

So why does the looser have the ugly task of chomping two worms? Well, all because, once upon a time,  my mate Ian Ian caught a Long Fin Tuna. When such a splendid fish arrives in your kitchen, it’s only fair to have a spontaneous dinner party. So my readily available and fun close neighbours came to share in the bounty. The more tuna we chomped, the more wine we drunk, and the more boastful Anna and I became, each claiming to be a faster runner than the other. Basically, Anna and I are both arrogant little shits. We thought, we would settle it once and for with a race to the Blockhouse, but we still had to settle on the prize.

As the wine flowed, I thought to avoid major hangovers, I would pop a jug of water on the table. Being a host who likes to add a little extra something, I plucked some sprigs of mint from the garden and tossed them into the water jug, without rinsing them. Oh dear! What a mistake, coz half way through the jug, some annoyingly observant guest (it was probably Anna) found a couple of worms lurking in the water. So it was decided they would be preserved in tequila and the looser would have swallow their pride as well as the worms.  

So the first Tuesday in July is race day.

I cant wait to see Anna’s worm face, coz I’m not gonna loose, I’m not gonna loose, I’m not gonna loose …

I have posted Anna's response below.

Charlie had the good grace to ask me whether I wanted to edit his blog entry. I have, instead requested the right of reply. He has graciously granted it.

Hold on a second mate! I get to be “fiercely competitive”, and you get to be “equally determined?”Peeps, I think it only appropriate that we get a couple of things straight. About a year ago, at the time of the said (exceedingly tasty) dinner I was in rather fine (running) form. Charlie was, as always, of fine physique, but well, let’s just say that his running shoes needed to be extracted from the recesses of a closet.

I had also recently taken a couple of other men making (spurious) claims about their running abilities to the cleaners on uphill bets (after which they had taken themselves to the physio). So when another one of those wagers came along, I couldn’t resist. I find these challenges particularly appealing because there’s a fabulous assumption that underlies most of them which, in essence, goes like this:  “There’s no way she can beat me up a hill because she’s a woman. Never mind that she’s got calves of steel and I’m off the couch.” And ah, well, but how I do love to fly (at speed uphill) in the face of gender stereotypes. That’s my kind of feminism. (I didn’t, and don’t, really have calves of steel, but you get my point.)

Anyway, turned out I need to give Charlie a little time to become reacquainted with his running shoes, because once the wine had worn off, his confidence had lost some of its lacquer. Problem was I gave him rather too much time. The bastard is in pretty good form these days. I, less so. As I stumbled to the top of the time block house time trial the other day the time keeper looked as his watch as I came through, yelled out my time and then said, “You’re a little off time there aren’t you? What have you been doing all summer?” I’ve been eating, thank you very much.

So it has started to dawn on me, as it quite simply had not before, that I am – quite literally – in the running for slurping some worms. Bollocks. I don’t even like tequila.